How Not to Let Your Family Squeeze

By
Jeff Motske, CFP®
October 8, 2018
Share on:

Your Financial Future Family ties are amazing. These connections, based in DNA, history and genuine care, can prompt many to support their loved ones through times of need, be it emotional, physical and even financial. It is natural to want to support your family, but the players involved can double (or even triple or quadruple in cases of blended families), increasing the financial strain. Since these familial situations can snowball quite quickly, I urge you to focus first on your own financial independence and be sure not to let your parents and your children squeeze your financial future. While many hate to be a burden on their family, it’s actually quite common for people to financially assist other family members. According to Ameritrade’s Financial Support Study, one-fifth of Americans are Financial Supporters, meaning they provide financial support to a parent and/or an adult child.1 A survey conducted by GoBankingRates found that 63 percent of children plan to financially support their parents in some way once they retire.2 On the other end, parents are also financially supporting their grown children. Per Financial Planning OWS, 24% are helping with rent and 39% are paying cell phone bills.3

My primary advice is to always pay yourself first. Be sure to establish a healthy emergency fund and contribute to your retirement. It’s similar to what you hear on airplanes about placing the oxygen mask on yourself before placing it on others. You need to be sure that you are fiscally secure before you provide for those who are financially struggling. This is very sound, logical advice, which can be difficult to follow once emotions come into play.

Most of the decisions I see my clients struggle with are when the emotional and the financials are at odds. When your daughter wants to go to that expensive, out-of-state college that you didn’t save enough for, it’s tempting to try to make it work, whatever means necessary. Or perhaps your son is going through a costly divorce, and the only way you feel you can support him and ensure you see your grandkids is to borrow from your retirement to hire him a good lawyer. These are the moments when you need to be able to tell your child and yourself, “No”. In most cases, there are other options and alternatives in place. They may not be the dream situation, but they will still get the job done. Don’t sacrifice your future for your child’s dream, no matter how compelling. Don’t let emotions cloud good judgment.

On the other end of the spectrum, is a harsh reality. When dealing with parents who may not have planned sufficiently or are in the midst of a financial crisis, be sure that you are communicating as one adult to another. If possible, you may want to tackle those financial conversations early. Some of these difficult financial conversations with parents are tied to medical issues, so be sure to discuss before physical situations become dire.

When you find yourself in the midst of these difficult situations, please don’t forget about your support system. Your financial advisor can act as an unbiased referee in moments of disagreement or emotional struggle. They will likely remember the important financial issues that may slip your mind and will be ruled by numbers rather than nostalgia. At the moments when you need a pragmatic perspective to shine through the cloud of emotions, a trusted financial advisor can be invaluable.

In a time where many people find themselves part of the Sandwich Generation, taking on financial burdens can seem inevitable. Yet, so much can be avoided and accomplished when you act in advance. Start chatting with mom and dad while they’re still in good physical and financial health. Start saving for colleges as early as possible. When you’re proactive, you can prepare. When you’re reactive, people and finances can take a hit.

  1. https://s1.q4cdn.com/959385532/files/doc_downloads/research/TDA-Financial-Support-Study-2015.pdf
  2. https://www.gobankingrates.com/retirement/planning/kids-plan-financially-support-parents-retirement/
  3. https://www.forbes.com/sites/carolynrosenblatt/2018/07/09/aging-parents-helping-adult-children-financially-unhealthy-results/#321bb1e2ef39

You may also like:

By
Mike Loo, MBA
April 16, 2018

Have you ever noticed when you turn on the news, the media is either panicked because the markets are down or celebratory because the markets are up? This may make for fun entertainment, but it can also impact people’s emotions, which are dangerous when they affect investment choices and financial decisions.

While you shouldn’t hide your head in the sand when it comes to the news, there’s a fine balance between staying up-to-date and obsessively following every market change.

The Problem with the News

Many people think watching the news will help them decide what financial or investment decisions to make. The problem with this is that the news is late, especially in terms of investing.

Capital markets efficiently price in all widely known information. As soon as news is available to the public, it becomes reflected in share prices. Therefore, looking at the same things as everyone else doesn’t give you a leg-up on other investors.

Additionally, we know that most news stations have a bias or slant. Many major networks tend to lean either right or left, and this can actually impact the type of actions they suggest in terms of financial decisions. Furthermore, when their guest is the head of a bank or works for a credit card company, you’ll want to be aware that their advice may be biased.

The Information to Turn to Instead

One of the best solutions is to ignore the pundits and spend more time sticking to your personal financial strategies and investment plan. It may sound crazy for me to suggest this, but I’ve found that it helps my clients feel less stressed and less likely to make emotionally driven decisions.

It takes training to tune out the media noise levels and focus on your long term plan. It is tough to do, but with a little coaching, you can feel less stress from media influence and more focused on your plan.

Let Your Advisor Do the Heavy Lifting

While working with a financial advisor is a collaborative approach, requiring work on both ends, it can be helpful to rely on your advisor for staying up-to-date on financial news and investment trends. Part of an advisor’s job is to stay current with financial news and changes in the markets. Your advisor will then suggest changes, if needed, based on your personal goals and needs.

Stick to Financial Wellness Tips

While listening to the news and recommendations of pundits can lead to emotional decision-making, reading general articles and blogs about financial health and wellness can be beneficial, and even motivating. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of blogs out there that share tips on sticking to a budget, savvy ways to save money at the grocery store, and how to find the best credit card rates. These sources of information can help you maintain a healthy outlook regarding money and keep you motivated to stick to your financial goals.

How I Can Help

As an independent advisor, my personal goal is to provide my clients with guidance that can help them understand and better define their financial goals. I stay up-to-date with the latest financial news, trends, and market shifts so my clients don’t have to. I hope to allow them the time to focus on their passions in life knowing I am here proactively monitoring their investments and financial strategies.

To learn more about how I can help you focus less on media noise and more on your passions in life, contact me for a no-strings-attached meeting. We can discuss your goals what strategies can help you pursue them. Call my office at (949) 221-8105 x 2128, or email me at michael.loo@lpl.com.

By
Windus Fernandez Brinkkord, AIF®, CEPA
February 22, 2018

You just realized you need a budget. Whether it's because you'd like to be saving more money, you plan on investing in a retirement plan, or you want to straighten out your current finances, you know that having a reliable budget would make your life easier.

Creating a budget for the first time can be one of the most overwhelming experiences, especially when you're just starting to look critically at your financial situation.

Take a deep breath and don't stress out! There are just a few simple steps that you can take to reach a reliable, stable budget. I have some excellent pieces of advice that I give to all my clients, family members, friends, and even neighbors. Let me guide you on this financial journey.

Ready to get started?

__________________

Step One: Track all of your expenses

The first step to getting figuring out your finances is to figure out what you have been spending. Print your bank statements for the last three months and categorize each item in your statement on to a new spreadsheet. The Federal Trade Commission has a convenient website www.consumer.gov suggests categorizing every expense, including:

  • Car Expenses
  • Food
  • Clothing Expenses
  • Insurance
  • Credit Card Payments
  • Misc. Expenses
  • Entertainment/Going Out
  • School/Business Expense

Once you have your spending history, review your daily, weekly, and monthly expenses. Looking at the big picture and the tiny details all in one place can help you make small changes that have significant impacts on your finances. Reviewing all of this information lets you easily formulate your budget for next month without the hassle of digging through your bank statements.

Step Two: Set realistic goals

Start with a small, short-term goal. Set one finance goal to obtain over three months and use smaller milestones to meet the finish line you set for yourself. Use each week to reassess your goal and make adjustments as needed. When the goal is achieved, make another, and another, and another. Goals may require modifications, but it's an excellent way to set yourself up for financial success. You'll have something to be proud of every time you pass a milestone. And when the goal is reached? Reward yourself with something—that's still in your budget, of course.

Step Three: Make adjustments

I can't stress this enough—once the budget is set, don't be afraid to readjust as needed. There is no shame in making necessary changes to your budget. Situations change all the time, and nothing has to be concrete. Flexibility is key. Being rigid can make things harder for you and your family if something unexpected comes up and you need to spend more in one category than previously thought. Adjust smartly, not just because you want to splurge on a new gadget or pair of shoes.

Step Four: Never stop reviewing your budget

As I said in step three, adjustments are necessary. While you should remain flexible, if you notice that month after month, week after week, your budget seems to need changes, it's time to review. Reviewing your budget monthly will put your mind at ease if everything is going according to plan or allow you to see what hiccups caused you to veer off-course. Remember, no budget is perfect, and we all have to work towards a happy, balanced budget.

This is just a beginner's toolkit that can help you keep your budget in good health. These are my starting points that seeks to help you get to your financial happy place. There's no need to stress anymore. You don’t have to be perfect. I’ve seen too many people give up on budgeting because they made one mistake and got mad at themselves.  Give yourself the grace to be human.  As long as you are making more good decisions than bad ones over a long period of time, you can work towards getting to where get to where you want to be. You have a roadmap, and you can make your finances a priority quickly with just four simple steps.

Get Started on Your Financial Life Plan Today