4 Ways to Take the Taboo Out of Talking About Money with Your Spouse

By
Jeff Motske, CFP®
November 26, 2018
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Money is a commonly held taboo topic, like politics and religion. We just don’t feel comfortable talking about them – especially to people we care about. That’s because these topics are tied closely to how we view ourselves. These topics also garner a lot of judgment, and the last thing we want is to be judged on something that we feel is intrinsically linked to our intelligence or sense of maturity. Yet, by practicing a few simple tips, we can start tackling the taboo topic of family finances and get on that path to financial independence.

Be Honest

It is human nature to want to hide things we may not be proud of or want to avoid. Perhaps you charged a bit too much to your credit cards or haven’t saved as much as you planned for all of your family’s goals. You may want to avoid addressing such issues, but those who are part of your financial household need to know the honest, unvarnished state of your finances. Trying to hide the facts will just compound your issues when they come to light – and they will.

Be Frequent

Don’t just talk about money when money is a problem. That’s when stress levels are high and emotions are frayed. What needs to be a level-headed discussion can quickly escalate into an emotional shouting match. Instead, conversations about finances should become routine. If you schedule a monthly financial date night with your spouse, the frequent exposure will minimize the surprise and anxiety from these talks. Ultimately, there will be fewer surprises and more planning to help when unexpected or hard decisions need to be made.

Be Open to Feedback

You and your spouse are a team. Teams succeed by working together towards the same goals. Teammates, though, don’t always see things the same way and may have different approaches to the same objective. That’s why it’s important to get your spouse’s input on how your finances are being managed. Not only does your spouse’s input ensure you’re working towards the same goals, but different perspectives can also provide multiple solutions to financial issues. Most importantly, your spouse feels heard and validated, which is a precious thing to give to the one you love.

Be Non-Judgmental

What causes many to shy away from discussing finances is the idea that they will be judged for things they did or did not do with their money. Did you mismanage your funds and refrain from saving sufficiently? Were you too risky with your investments or not risky enough to provide for the household? To avoid the judgment, most will just avoid talking about their finances all together, which doesn’t often have good outcomes. Avoidance doesn’t help financial situations – it often just prolongs the mess. To help your spouse open up, it is beneficial to allow them to speak openly and freely and to listen without judgment.

I do believe that it is imperative to take the taboo out of talking about money with your spouse. Both of you should foster frequent and honest financial discussions, free of strife and judgment. Doing these things will allow you to solidify yourselves as a strong financial team and set you on your path for collective financial independence.

The opinions voiced in this material are for general information only and are not intended to provide specific advice or recommendations for any individual.

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By
Steve Hartel, MBA, AIF®
April 24, 2018

Congratulations. You’ve decided to work with a financial professional to help improve your financial situation. How do you find a good one? Unfortunately, that’s harder than it sounds. There is a huge barrier between people seeking good financial advice and professionals offering it. Advisors can be found in the yellow pages (Millennials, you might have to Google that), on various online sites, by answering incoming phone calls, by asking your friends and neighbors, or any number of other ways. Personally, I believe a referral or introduction from an existing client is the best way, but that could be another entire article. Here are some suggested questions you should ask a prospective advisor.

  1. Start by asking yourself what kind of help you think you want and/or need

Are you just seeking help with your investments? How about someone who will be the “quarterback” of your entire team of professionals (tax preparer, estate attorney, bookkeeper, banker, investment manager, etc.)? Are you looking for someone who simply suggests things for you to go do by yourself (what I call the “travel agent” model), or someone who will give you advice and then help you carry it out (what I call the “Sherpa” model)?

The answers to these questions will determine what kind of professional to seek out. I know some of you are thinking, “Wait—aren’t they all the same?” Trust me; the answer is an emphatic “NO”! One of the best ways to determine what type of professional someone is, is by asking about their credentials.

  1. What are your credentials and what do they mean?

Anyone can call themselves a financial advisor. A stockbroker, a life insurance agent, a mutual fund sales rep, an annuity salesperson, a banker, a mortgage broker. Seriously, there are no rules for the title Financial Advisor. The title Financial Planner, on the other hand, has very definitive rules. There are only two kinds of people who can legally call themselves a planner. One group took classes, passed some exams given by an industry group, and received the Certified Financial Planner (CFP®) designation. The other group took classes, passed some exams by a governmental group, and received their Series 65 or Series 66 registration. These folks are called Registered Financial Planners, although that moniker hasn’t caught on yet the same way the CFP® has. Both of these groups can legally charge you a fee for giving you advice.

You might also encounter professionals who received a Series 6 registration (this allows them to sell you a mutual fund) and/or their Series 7 registration (commonly called the stockbroker license). You will also encounter people who have some combination of these.

Someone who only has a CFP® can give you advice but can’t help you execute it. These are the “travel agents” I referred to. This might be a good choice if you want to pay for advice but then go do everything yourself. Another example might be people who hire a personal trainer at the gym one time to teach them the right exercises to do; then they go do them by themselves.

Someone who only has a Series 6 or 7 registration can sell you products for a commission, but they can’t give you any advice. Let’s call them “luggage salespeople.” This might be good for people who don’t want professional advice, make their own decisions, and simply need to buy financial products in a transactional relationship with a salesperson.

Someone who has their Series 65/66, or has their Series 6/7 and 65/66, or who has their CFP® and Series 6/7 and/or 65/66 can perform the “Sherpa” function of going on the journey with you and helping you implement the advice. These are good choices for someone who recognizes the value of professional advice and knows they need a little extra help with actually getting things done (or want that extra accountability). Think people who hire a personal trainer at the gym and see them week after week. In my experience, clients of these professionals make the most consistent progress toward their long-term goals.

  1. How will I be charged? How do you get compensated?

Sometimes those are the same question and sometimes not. Does the professional make a commission when you buy a product? If so, how much is it? Do they charge an hourly fee, a monthly fee, or a one-time flat fee? Is the professional paid a fee based on the size of your invested assets? What is that fee?

If you are buying products, are there any fees built into the products themselves? How much? Are the fees for the product clearly spelled out or are they buried internally?

Will ALL of your fees be clearly itemized on your statements? Ask to see an example.

  1. What services do you provide?

This should line up with your answers to Question #1. Don’t make any assumptions here. Make sure the service you are seeking is actually provided by the professional you are interviewing. The professional might want to sound like they can do everything for you. For example, a stockbroker can open an IRA for you, but that’s not the same thing as doing retirement planning for you. Be clear.

  1. Are you a Fiduciary?

Due to a recent regulatory change, this is the new industry buzzword. There are multiple standards of care in the financial services industry. One is the “suitability” standard. Professionals who do not give advice are held to this standard. They need to show that the product is appropriate for someone in your situation, but they don’t have to disclose their compensation or prove that the product they recommended is actually in your best interest. If there were two products that both accomplished the same thing, but one resulted in the professional receiving higher compensation, the professional doesn’t have to tell you that.

The other standard is the “best interest” standard. People held to this standard are fiduciaries. They must always act in the client’s best interest. If they sell you a product, they must demonstrate that it is in your best interest rather than their own.

Conclusion

I’m a Sherpa, so I naturally believe that’s a better choice for most people seeking professional help with their finances. My fees are very clear and, they appear right on the statement or contract signed by the client. I think hidden fees should be avoided at almost any cost. My clients hire me on an annual basis to be their DecisionCoach. I give them advice, I help them make better financial decisions over time, and I help them implement the advice. Depending on the client, I might be helping with organization, cash flow, investment management, budgeting, retirement planning, college planning, income planning, tax mitigation, asset protection, insurance, advanced medical expense planning, estate planning, and much more. Are you looking for a professional like me?

By
David McDonough
July 2, 2019

Words are power, and each word has its own weight and energy. Words have inspired people to stand up for what they believe in or hang their head down in defeat. Therefore, choosing the right words to describe that which you want to manifest is very important.

For example, when speaking of aspirations for the future, there are those who use the words dreams and goals interchangeably. However, they ae distinctively different in definition and performance. A dream is boundless, fueled by your passion and imagination. However, it is akin to fantasy, with no immediate call to bring it to life. When someone tells me they dream of owning a sports car or starting their own business, I know most of the work to make that dream a reality hasn’t taken place and probably won’t for the foreseeable future.

A goal, on the other hand, is the mapwork to that dream, concrete and behavior-driven. When you have a goal, you have markers, measurements and steps to get to the destination. Setting the right goals, especially when it pertains to financial goals, can have a significant effect on how and when you achieve them. In fact, a guide to good goal-setting has long been to make it S.M.A.R.T.1:

Specific: if we are truly making a map towards our goals, telling ourselves to go in a general direction or for an undefined distance is most likely only going to get us lost. Steps towards our dreams have to be detailed and specific.

Measurable: When a goal is measurable, there is a way to track your progress to stay motivated or identify issues that may need problem-solving.

Attainable: It is admirable to be striving for something grand and lofty. However, it’s imperative that we have feasible goals that we can accomplish to keep us motivated and actually accomplish said goal.

Relevant: Having impressive goals are fine and dandy, but if they don’t move you closer to your overall goals or work against other goals you may have, it may be time to rethink them.

Time Bound: Once something has been stated as a goal, the stop watch has started. There is an expectation of completion, which is necessary to keep us moving forward towards that goal. It may not get completed in the expected timeframe, but just by having a deadline, we can stay accountable.

Based on this description of a S.M.A.R.T., you can see that there is a difference between, “I’m going to start saving money for a house,” and “I’m going to put 15% of my paycheck into a savings account specifically designated for my eventual down payment, and I should have enough saved after 3 years.” One expresses a desire while the other one lays out a concrete plan to achieve the goal.

If one seems to be fueling the other, how can a dream inhibit a goal? Well, one way is when your lifestyle fits with your dream rather than your goals. To achieve many financial goals like saving for retirement or buying a home, one needs to save and stick to a budget. However, if you fail to save and incrementally work towards the goals, it will take longer and longer to see results. Worse is if you choose to skip the incremental steps and live your dreamer’s lifestyle by using credit cards. The debt you accumulate will take you farther and farther from your goals and possible put you in an unfortunate and stressful predicament.

Sometimes when we haven’t developed a goal for a dream, it’s vagueness can work against an already established goal. Perhaps a good friend asks you to go into business with them. If you choose to pour funds into this new endeavor without any parameters, you may find yourself taking funds away from saving for retirement or depleting savings you already had. Of course, if you had outlined your goal on how to contribute to your friend’s business, with specific and timely parameters, the situation could be completely different.

Please understand that I’m not asking you to stop dreaming. In fact, quite the opposite. I happen wake up every day saying, “Dream Big! Work Hard! Laugh often!” I sign letters and thank you notes and end employee meetings with those very words. Dreaming is important.

So please know I want you to dream big and bold. At the same time, I want you to buckle down and create some S.M.A.R.T. goals to propel you closer to your dreams.

https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/smart-goals.htm

The opinions voiced in this material are for general information only and are not intended to provide specific advice or recommendations for any individual.

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